Realizing Reasons

There's a reason, perfectly insane and intact for unnoticed quirks like these. There's a reason I don't turn off the radio when his favorite song comes on anymore. There's a reason you listen to songs even if you haven't met the lyrics, and I think there's something in that reason completely, beautifully unstable. I can lie for all I'm worth, but an attempt to forget makes memory, and you were never any good with the how-to's of remembering anyhow.
I have a small purple race car, a little blue bug, a square-knot memory, and all your old love notes. I have a Valentine from the second grade and it says 'You're the bomb' in the very worst handwriting.. ever. People don't let things just be. I saw the black pin you still have in your drawer, and I know what it's from; not the same guy as the bumblebee charm. I know that you've been in love with the same man for twenty years, and haven't seen him for eighteen. The truth is that the truth sucks, and nobody ever wants to forget, or forgive. The truth is, I still have your text saying you're a jerk and a coward, and I kept it for a reason. The truth is that I can't hear Green Day without wishing you hadn't been everything he promised he wouldn't be. The truth is I'm too scared to admit what I've already been told. I don't know what I want, and I'm dreadful at letting go.